longing...

Oh how I have been torturing myself the last couple of days with books about gardening and spring. It all started when Jeremy innocently pulled a gardening book off the bookshelf and onto the floor for my longing heart to see. Before I knew what was happening, I was on my tablet reserving a book from the library titled "Gardening Wisdom". I then felt this nagging need to leaf through some March and April volumes of Martha Stuart Living I have stashed away. Bad idea. Now spring is on my mind, and it isn't going anywhere. My poor little heart can't take this! We haven't even had snow yet; how will I survive? In order to get through January I think I need to head to the nearest garden center, sniff that earthy smell and get it right out of my system. It's all I can do to stop myself from grabbing my copy of "Waldon: Life in the Woods" and running for the nearest mossy rock...

All I wan to do it work on our garden. Or, rather, work on our lack of garden. When we bought our house the state of the outside was pretty unsightly. We had every intention of gutting it all and restarting this summer, but all we could manage to do was dig up the flower bed along the front of the house and plant a few perennials. By the end of the summer the backyard was a jungle of thistles and weeds up to our shoulders. We swore that we would get a head start on landscaping this fall, but a crisis of the bathroom-pluming type occurred, and nothing ever happened outside. So here I am, knee deep in the dead of winter, fantasizing about plants and flowers and herbs and that amazing mud smell left after the snow melts. And about lavender. And my dream of having a little lavender farm. And there's not a darn thing I can do about it! 

in love with a big lavender bush...

Please, little heart, find some patience...

every day, in every way, it's getting better and better...

With the approaching change in our calendar year, I feel compelled to write something; to somehow explain how beautiful life is where I am; to articulate how true and how real many of those tear-jerking John Lennon songs have become to me (Imagine, Let it be, Beautiful Boy...). It's no secret that I had a rocky start to the first quarter (or two thirds?) of 2011. Despite the birth of a perfect and healthy son, it took a while for me to figure myself out after all was said and done. I guess it's fair to say that I am no good with chaos, and as much as I see myself and a spontaneous and adventurous person I also need calm, especially at home. So when a notably 'spirited' baby boy was plunked into my arms I was totally thrown off. But I don't want to spend too much energy thinking about that part of my year today. Today I want to celebrate everything that is good in my life!

As cliche as it may sound, my life has exploded with joy and purpose because of Jeremy. Jeremy will never know how much he means to me. He came at a time when I honestly felt like I had life figured out. Easy-peasy. These days I am even more challenged to live my life with intention, because each decision I make affects my family. Simple choices, like what kind of music to listen to while cleaning the house matters to me. We chose with intention when it comes to what kind of toys we have (or don't have) in the house, the way we dress Jeremy, the things we do together as a family, the food we eat (and don't eat) and where we sleep. And each and every day when I see my little bub already turning out to be a marvelous child I am thankful that I had the stregnth to trust my intuition about what kind of family life I want to have.

Life here is rich. The three of us are a bunch of hams, making up silly songs all day and dancing around. We have a cute little home in an alright-for-now neighborhood. Life is also (mostly) peaceful. When people comment oh how happy, calm and good natured Jeremy is, my heard does a little jig because that has always been my wish for him.  I can't imagine what the year(s) ahead will bring.

Eternally grateful for the blessings I have,
Joan Blondina